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Yes boys and girls – we are going to talk about your favorite thing.
S.E.X.
It’s also going to cover some things you might not want to discuss (potential trigger warning of sexual assault and rape).
You’re new to college. You’re in your late teenage years. There’s so many new people. There’s that attractive guy or girl that you meet at a party. Oo-la-la!
You should know about 99% of the stuff in this post, or maybe all of it, but as a someone who has lived through it all, I gotta just say it to clear my conscience.
First of all, USE CONDOMS!
Besides preventing pregnancy (which you do not want as a college student), they help to prevent STDs. In 2016, the CDC found a sharp increase in cases of gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis. You may be not really care about the consequences now, but if you get something, half of the college campus is going to know. Things like that spread like a wild-fire and you don’t want to be the party talk and be known as Crabs behind your back. College kids aren’t that much more mature than high school students, as you will learn, and we love gossiping about who did what with who and who got what. Save yourself the embarrassment and unneeded stress. Rubber up!
Check out this list of the most sexually healthy and sexually dangerous campus‘ (it’s a few years old but not much has changed).
If you can’t afford the condoms, don’t have sex. You definitely won’t be able to support a kid if you can’t spend $20.
Know yourself and what you want.
Some kids go to college and want to sleep around – it’s the best time to experiment and have fun. But then some kids don’t want to at all. Do not assume anything and do not feel pressured into anything. Even if all your friends are having sex, it doesn’t mean you have to, and visa versa. It’s completely up to you!
NO MEANS NO!
You’re gonna see signs all over campus about sexual assault, and if you don’t, then your university is doing something wrong. 1 out of every 4 undergraduate women will experience some form of sexual assault within their years on campus. Males experience as well, but the ratio is much lower. You’d better know the following. As stated on Best Colleges,
“Sexual assault, a type of sexual violence, is a term that applies to a broad range of forced and unwanted sexual activity. It includes attempted rape — unwanted fondling or sexual touching — and rape, generally defined as penetration of a victim’s body against their will. Sexual assault can involve forcing someone into non-consensual sexual acts by way of manipulation, physical or emotional coercion, or psychological force, including threats or other means of intimidation.”
If you are drunk and your partner isn’t drunk, your consent isn’t necessarily valid in a situation. If you’re both drunk, it’s better to wait and sober up. Sex can wait. If your partner, male or female, at any time says the word ‘NO‘ to you, that means you immediately stop. No if’s, and’s or but’s. If you ask for consent and do not receive an answer, in the court of law, that is a ‘NO‘.
Be there for friends – through it all.
Sometimes, as a friend, you will be the first person that someone will come to following some form of sexual assault, whether that be unwanted touching or full on rape. Be there to listen. You are not required to do anything as you are not a professional, but help them find the correct help on campus. DO NOT EVER JUDGE SOMEONE. Remind them that it is not their fault, no matter what you think.
Sexual assault can happen to women and MEN. Do not think that if a male friend confides that something happened that he is lying or just complaining. Take it seriously. Do not joke about things like this – brushing things off can lead to much more complicated situations.
Make sure you listen and get them the help they need.
It happened to me….now what?
If you have been sexually assaulted on campus, do not hide. It is not your fault. It never is the victims fault. No, you didn’t ask for it. But you need to go to the appropriate person. Many individuals choose not to report it – but reporting is the best thing you can do. It can prevent future incidents from the perpetrator. However, it is completely up to you and the situation. If you want to report do the following.
You may not want to own up to someone you don’t know, so go to your best friend or someone you think you can trust. That way they can come with you. If you aren’t comfortable with that, then go right to counseling. If that service is closed at that hour, call your public safety office and they will assist you through the process. Otherwise, call your local police.
If there was sexual contact involved, whatever you do, do not shower. It is natural to want to shower following an assault to wash off what happened. It’s important you don’t. When you talk to the police, you will most likely be sent to the local hospital for a rape kit test. They will check your nails, your skin, do a full exam and take appropriate photos. You may be afraid so maybe take a friend to be there after – but don’t worry, you can do this! It’s all part of the procedure.
You will then fill out the appropriate paperwork and following that take whatever course of action presents itself – generally done through the school or sometimes directly in the court of law. If you are assaulted, make sure you report it, get the kit and talk to your local law enforcement about your options. They will be able to direct you in what to do. Also talk with your school counselors.
What happened is not your fault! You are in control now and you can do this!
How Do I Keep Safe?
If you go to parties, don’t drink as much as you might if you were home alone with friends.
Don’t take drinks from strangers – date-rape drugs are common at parties.
Be comfortable with the word no.
Have buddies at parties – people you arrive with and leave with.
Make sure your friends get home safe and check in with them.
Know your limit!
TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCTS.
How Can I Keep My Friends Safe?
Check up on them every once in a while.
If they decide to leave with someone, make sure you see who they are and try and remember their face or name.
If you see a girl (generalization as it’s more common) who is drunk being led home by a guy or guys, ask if she is okay. Sometimes just acknowledging the attackers can scare them off – you saw them and that can cause them to not want to act out.
If you see something, say something. If you see someone drunk, or something happening, call 911. Intervene if you can. Call attention to the situation. You always have your phone on you, so pull it out and film. That’s the best evidence.
As long as you use good judgement and pay attention, you are more likely to be safe. That being said, things do happen. Just know that you are not alone and there is always someone there to help you.
If something has happened to you and you need any guidance, I am happy to communicate with you. I am not a licensed professional but just having a second opinion, with someone you don’t know, may help you see things clearly. You can always email me at allegra@collegesurvival.com